What you and your teens need to know...

In many ways, today's high school experience is a great deal more complicated than in years gone by. Meeting increasingly difficult standards for graduation and tight competition for college placement along with safety issues like bomb threats and alcohol and drug abuse are some of the stresses facing today's teens. Another major one is sexual harassment.

A 2001 survey of students in grades 8-11 by the American Association of University Women Educational Foundation found that four in five students - males and females - experience sexual harassment in school. One-third experience it often.

Flirting vs. hurting

Sexual harassment is any unwanted sexual approach that makes people uncomfortable or interferes with their lives. Welcomed behaviors such as kissing, touching or flirting are not harassment.

Sexual harassment can be physical and non-physical. Non-physical harassment includes: taunting, spreading rumors about sexual preferences, rating other students based on sexual activity or performance, pressure for sexual favors, sexually explicit graffiti and "dirty" jokes or gestures.

Physical harassment might include sexual advances, touching in a sexual way, having clothing pulled off, or being spied on while dressing or showering.

What families can do...

High school administrators and social workers say that families are a vital first line of defense in stopping sexual harassment. Here are some things they suggest:

• Keep the lines of communication open. Talking with your teens in a supportive, non-judgmental way can help you become aware of difficulties they might be having, including sexual harassment.

• Let your teens know you are aware that sexual harassment can be a problem. Help them understand what actions and comments are considered sexually harassing and that there are things they can do to stop it. For more information, link to http://familyeducation.com/article/0,1120,63-4640-0-1,00.html

• Model appropriate behavior. For example, if you avoid stereotyping others based on gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity or other characteristics, your kids are more likely to do the same.

• Keep on top of what your teens are wearing, listening to and doing. Though sexually suggestive clothing does not justify harassment, you can encourage your teens to think about the messages they are putting forth - and the responses they might receive. If there is something you feel is offensive in the music, videos or computer programs they use, talk with them about it. Though their lives may sometimes seem like parent-free zones, you still can influence how your teens think about and respond to the world outside.

• Talk to your teens about healthy dating relationships. If they feel uncomfortable or threatened by the way someone is treating them, encourage them to get out of the relationship immediately.

• Have your teens write down experiences they think may be sexual harassment to help them remember details. Install software on their computer(s) to record any harassing messages they receive via instant messaging or email. For more information, link to http://familyeducation.com/article/0,1120,63-4640-0-1,00.html.

Defining sexual harassment

Sexual harassment generally falls into two categories:

Hostile environment harassment occurs when unwelcome sexual conduct is so severe or persistent that it affects a student's ability to participate in school activities or creates an intimidating or abusive school environment. A hostile environment can be created by another student or an adult.

Quid pro quo harassment occurs when a school employee causes a student to believe he or she must submit to unwelcome sexual conduct in order to participate in a school program or earn a favorable grade.

As part of Safe Schools Against Violence in Education (Project SAVE), all schools in New York State are required to have detailed plans for dealing with school-based bullying and sexual harassment. Request a copy of the district's sexual harassment policy and discuss it with your teens. Let them know they should never ignore the problem and hope it will "just go away." Encourage them to report any harassment to a teacher they trust or their principal.

This story was written by Christine E. Carpenter, a journalist and teacher, who holds a master's degree in education. She can be reached at ccarpen1@nycap.rr.com.

For permission to reprint this article, please contact the Capital Region BOCES Communications Service by e-mailing us at dbushsuf@gw.neric.org.